"Worker Bees Can Leave/ Even Drones Can Fly Away/ The Queen Is Their Slave"

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Fairweather Fans 

Navy Athletics is pleased to announce the arrival of Navy Football "I

The shirts come in Navy Blue as well as White in sizes Large and
X-Large. Please take a look at the attached file to see what the shirts
look like!

The shirts are ONLY $15, and can be purchased in the Navy Sports
Marketing Office in Ricketts 228 (second floor).

These shirts would make a great gift for your family and friends, and
are perfect for this year's Army/Navy game.

So stop by the Navy Sports Marketing Office today to get your official


Ms. Snuffalupagus
Assistant Director of Sales & Marketing
Naval Academy Athletic Association

Please. I know that we're gonna win, and I don't need a $15 t-shirt to tell me that. And I don't need to give my parent's a t-shirt neither. If you want to make a kick-ass Navy football t-shirt, how about one that reads: "I Was Navy Football When Navy Football Wasn't Cool." Then again, there'd only be about 15, 16 MIDS tops that could wear a shirt like that and not get put up for an honor offense.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

The Academy Has A New Mission! 

Thanks to the Buckmeister for posting this on his AIM:

Mission of the United States Naval Academy:

"to frustrate midshipmen morally, mentally and physically and to give them the poorest examples of duty, honor and loyalty in order to provide graduates who are dedicated to a short and cynical career of naval service and have potential for future development in mind and character to assume high paying jobs that won't screw you over as bad as this place has."

That's right, May 28 2009 I'm outtie.


Mitscher Hall is under renovation for the next year. There is
construction fencing installed around the area that is or soon will be
under construction. Please walk around the construction site and not
through it. Your assistance in this safety issue is appreciated.


El-T Muhamaramadingdong
Bancroft Hizzle First Lieutizzle Dizzle

Thank you for stating the obvious. The sad thing is that LT probably never would have sent the email had not a stoopid Mid actually walked through the construction site.

Today's Email Is Brought To You By The Letters I,H,T... 


In a daring and unprecedented joining of forces the Writing Center and
Poetry Cafe are offering a 3-week noon series on Creative Writing,
starting in November. Details are below. For the first and last
workshops, please email us by the indicated deadline so we can put your
name on the excusal list and order you a box lunch.

Oh shit, I got so excited I crapped my pants! Can you believe it, the Writing Center and the Poetry Cafe joined forces! The Coalition of the Willing grows stronger every day.

Part 1: FRIDAY NOV 7, 1200-1300
Composing War Haiku Workshop
Presented by Capt Xena: Warrior Princess
Location: English Dept Library

Come and get some guidance and practice in writing War Haiku in honor
of Veterans Day, Nov 11.

Question: If I've never shot anybody, am I still eligible to write a War Haiku?
Answer: No. You cannot use your GI Bill benefits once you join the Naval Academy.

Part 2: FRIDAY NOV 14, 1250-1320
War poetry reading (also in honor of Veteran's Day)
Facilitated by Capt Xena: Warrior Princess
Location: Naval History Museum Theater (back of Preble museum)

Bring a favorite war poem to read to the group and come for
from the others. In addition, come to hear the Navy Band Fife and Drum
group offer their tribute to veterans.

I've always thought reciting poetry was for beatniks--those sullen, slightly more sophisticated hippie predecessors. And nothing, not even war poetry, is going to change that. Still, the Navy Band Fife and Drum's gonna rock out with their cock out. Although they can only play "Yankee Doodle Dandy" it should be a pretty bitchin' show.

Part 3: FRIDAY NOV 21, 1200-1300
Tips for Aspiring Fiction Writers
Presented by Prof. D.J. Skittlez, Prof. Mill-eminem-ium, LCDR Shakespeare

Location: English Dept Library

Get some practical tips and some actual practice in this workshop as we
share from our experiences writing a variety of creative prose genres,
including creative autobiography and mystery novels.

Great, just what I need to do: read 10,000 midshipman autobiographies that are all going to be exactly the same. However, a Bancroft Hall murder mystery might make for a suspenseful page-turner.

Thanks for reading; I hope you can join us.

LCDR Shakespeare
Writing Center Director

p.s. We are looking to offer an expanded Creative Writing series in the
spring semester. Please let us know if you have any specific topics you
would be interested in attending a workshop on.

One topic I would suggest: 19th century Anarchist treatises.

They Only Come Out At Night 

The Few, the Proud, the Rule-Breakers
Despite Naval Academy Disapproval, Black N to Return Tonight
By Nelson Hernandez
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, October 31, 2002; Page B01

They lurk in the shadows at the U.S. Naval Academy, upholding 90 years of tradition as bad boys of the brigade. Tonight, for one evening only, they step into the light.

They are the Black N's, midshipmen who have racked up so many demerits that they wear black emblems as a badge of dishonor -- and a parody of Navy athletes' gold N letter sweaters.

Viewed with a mix of caution, odd envy and some disdain by their rule-abiding classmates, Black N's represent something of a secret society among the 4,000 midshipmen. And it's been that way since 1912.

The members, typically numbering about two dozen a year, keep their sweaters under wraps until the annual Halloween dinner, for which the academy relaxes its uniform rules. Only then do they parade into the dining hall showing their true colors.

Academy officials react with grim-faced silence. The Black N is not part of any regulation uniform, of course, and the behavior necessary to earn one is anything but by the book.

Yes, I am a member of that secret society that includes such estimable personalities as Robert Heinlein and Col. John Ripley, USMC. Watch with envy as we take our victory walk in King Hall, proudly sporting the Black N. Perhaps you too can earn your Black N sweater, maybe even accentuate with a star or two-- but only if you think you posess the balls (or the ovaries, we are an equal-opportunity society that does not discriminate on the basis of race, creed, religion, nationality or gender) to endure the 60 days of restriction that accompanies such a prestigious honor.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Meanwhile, Over In Afghanistan... 


Found this goody the other day. I let 1/c Mojo to borrow my computer when I was a youngster two years ago. He left the following letter:

Mr. Man,

Two weeks ago I caught Mr. Mojo on the elevator in 8th Wing. He told
me that he was not aware of the Brigade policy. I therefore reminded
him of it.

LT Jellyroll (his company officer) and I saw him on Friday in white works
headed to hospital point (I don't know why he needed to be in white
works as no officer goes to hospital point in white works) and I told LT
Jellyroll about my run in with Mr. Mojo the previous week. LT Jellyroll stated
that he thwarted Mr. Mojo trying to ride the elevator on Mon or Tues and
Mr. Mojo again stated that he did not know the policy. HONOR OFFENSE #

When confronted by myself and LT Jellyroll this morning (SSgt Hoorah was
present as a witness) he stated that he needed to use the elevator
because he hurt his toe on Thurs. LT Jellyroll thought that odd because
when LT Jellyroll caught him, it was either Mon or Tues. HONOR OFFENSE # 2.
BTW, he did not have a chit from the doctor discussing the injury or
his need to still be in white works or missing formation this morning or
not shaving.

Now, Mr. Mojo is a readmitt. He obviously does not get it. Therefore,
I want him processed ASAP before he enters the Fleet and is in charge of

Thank you for your time Mr. Man.


Bobby R. Peapody

31st Company Officer


GOD BLESS AMERICA indeed! Just think LT, you're playing a small yet vital part in helping America win the war on terror: keeping first-class midshipmen out of white works and off the elevators. Thanks to your efforts we'll have our boys back home come Christmas. By the way, I'm happy to report that MIDN Mojo did graduate on time despite LT Peabody's best efforts.

Email Of The Day: 


Ladies and Gentlemen,

If you are considering a career in the military that might put you in
harms way I recommend you check out the Combat Speaker Series
presentation tomorrow night in Chauvenet 216 at 1900. The guest speaker
will be GySgt Rockemsockem, who just returned from Iraq. The uniform is Blue
& Gold Jogging suits or better.

If you have any question, please let me know

Semper Fi,
Maj Min

(names changed to protect privacy)

...a career in the military that might put you in
harms way...

Just spit it out: USMC.

What really chaps my ass is that the Maj is implying that those regular-Navy-folks don't have the mah-bles. It's like the 8th & I guy who cracks jokes about how the Navy gives him a ride to the fighting. Oh really, asshole? And just how many Iraqis did you kill with your tuba? But I digress. What exactly is the Maj's job? Well, I looked it up and it turns out he works in Luce Hall. He's probably a leadership instructor-- hardly a task that might "put you in harms way." You know what they say: those who can-- do, those who can't-- teach.

White People Are The Devil: 

Yesterday I learned that Islam spread throughout Northern Africa by traders coming from the Middle East. Apparently, the Muslims only took up the sword after they crossed the Mediterranean into Spain. I pointed out to a classmate that the Muslim conquests didn't stop until they were finally repulsed by Charles "The Hammer" Martel (A Frenchman for Christ's sake) at the battle of Poitiers in 732. My classmate responded with: "Well that's because the Northern Africans had a history with the Arab Muslims so it was natural for them to trade and convert to Islam. They didn't have to fight until they ran across white people."

Damn white people.

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